In the Shadows
by Just Ducky 722
Summary: JT's been keeping a horrible secret that no one should ever have to keep. It finally comes out to the school. Some people don't have a whole lot of sympathy for him. Can he survive how everyone is treating him? COMPLETED.
1. Getting off to school

"JT? JT!" my dad called to me from downstairs. "It's time to get up. You'll be late for school if you don't get up now!"  
I just sort of laid there for a minute. I didn't want to get up. I didn't really want to ever move again. But then I started to convince myself of how good a shower would feel, and I managed to get myself up, and haul myself to the shower.  
"JT!" my dad called to me a bit later through the shower door, which I had locked. "You've been in the shower for over an hour! You've got fifteen minutes until you need to leave, so you better get moving." The handle jiggled a bit, like he was trying to open it, but when he didn't get any results, he retreated.  
Reluctantly, I turned off the shower. I just didn't feel clean yet. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but I still didn't feel clean. I dried myself off, and looked at my arms and legs. They were red and raw from all the scrubbing I did in the shower.  
"Long sleeves today," I told myself silently. "Serves you right, you baby."  
I headed downstairs, hoping to avoid my dad. My mom was on a business trip, but my dad was always home, it seemed.  
No luck though. My dad was downstairs, eating his breakfast.  
"Oops, gotta get going dad. I'm going to be late for school." I grabbed a granola bar, figuring I'd eat it on the way to school.  
"Hold on, JT, how about a hug for your old man," he said.  
I cringed. He noticed.  
"JT, you wouldn't want everyone to know..." he trailed off. He knew his threat always worked, even though I didn't really believe that he would tell anyone anything.  
I walked up to him, hoping the hug would be quick, but he grabbed me and gave me a bear hug. The kind where you feel like you might be suffocated. I almost did suffocate.  
"Was that so hard?" he asked me. He scooted me out the door with a light pat on my backside, and I headed off to school, wishing that I was back in that shower, even though I knew it wouldn't do me any good at all.  
  
School was unbearably long. It always was; I didn't like school much, but today it seemed especially long.  
When I got home, there were police cars outside of our home, and a cop was leading my dad out into the car. My mom was in the living room, crying. She was due to get home from her trip that morning, so I knew why she was home, but I couldn't figure out why she was crying.  
I made eye contact with my dad. He gave me the worst look I had ever seen an adult give anyone.  
It dawned on me then, what everyone was doing here.  
"How could you, JT? How could you do this to your own father?" he asked me, shouting.  
"I didn't, I swear. I didn't tell anyone anything. I wouldn't dad!" I shouted back to him, so upset I was crying. "I don't know what happened, I swear."  
My mom rushed outside. She grabbed me and hugged me.  
"It'll all be okay now, you don't have to worry anymore," she tried to reassure me.  
I pushed her away. "Where are they taking dad? Why?" I asked.  
"They arrested him. You don't have to pretend to me anymore JT, I know what's been going on."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I know what's been going on when I've been away. You don't have to worry anymore, because I'll never let him do that to you again."  
"Do what?" I asked.  
"JT, I know your father's been...been..." she trailed off, tears in her eyes.  
"What, just spit it out mom!"  
"I know he's been...molesting you."  
That was the moment when my precariously held together world fell to pieces. 


	2. Drive

There my mom stood, her arms open, waiting to share a mother-son moment. My father, only a few feet away in the back of a cop car, was glaring at me. I looked at both of them. I took off running down the street.  
"Wait, JT! Stop!" my mom called.  
"Hold on there!" a police officer called to me.  
No one took after me though. Well, my mom made a half-effort, but one of the cops slowed her down. I didn't know where I was running to, but I knew I had to get three as quick as I could.  
I collapsed outside school. My legs wouldn't hold me up anymore.  
My mind went back to the day. I could remember saying anything or doing anything out of the ordinary that would have gotten my dad in trouble. I would remember something like that.  
"How could you be so stupid?" I whispered to myself. "What will everyone think of me? What does my dad think of me?" I didn't bother to get up. Three hours later, I still hadn't bothered to get up. It was getting dark. I was starting to get cold, but not cold enough to get up. I checked my watch; it was 8 o'clock.  
A cop was heading toward me from down the street. I knew he was coming for me, but I didn't bother to get up to meet him halfway. He'd make it to me sooner or later.  
"Your mother's getting worried," he said to me. I didn't respond, so he tried again. "You don't have to worry about your dad anymore. He's going to jail." That didn't get a response from me either. He gave it another go. "Some officers from the sex crime's unit are waiting to talk to you when you're ready." Still, no response from me. "Come on son," he finally said, taking me by the arm to lead me home.  
I jerked my arm from him hard and fast. "Don't ever call me son! You're not my father! I'm no one's son! Don't ever call me that again! No one can ever call me that!"  
"Ok, ok," he said, trying to calm me down.  
And just as quickly as I had gotten angry, I calmed down.  
  
"So what do the detectives from se..." the word stuck in my throat. "So what do those detectives want to talk to me about?" I asked, rephrasing a bit.  
"About your dad, I think," he said, carefully. We got up to the porch of my house, and walked inside. Right away, my mom jumped up from the couch and hugged me. I hugged her back, stiffly. A woman stood up and stepped toward me.  
"I'm Jane from the sex crimes unit. We were wondering if you'd go back to the station with us to talk a little bit," she said gently.  
"Sure, but I don't know what all the fuss is about. Nothing's wrong," I tried to reassure her.  
She turned to the man who had been sitting next to her. "This is my partner Paul." He sort of nodded at me, and they both turned and headed out the door. Assuming that they wanted me to follow them, I turned to do the same.  
"Do you want me to come with you, honey?" my mom asked.  
"No, I'll be fine," I responded.  
"Ok," she said, turning backing into the kitchen. Now this is one thing about my mom that just kills me. Any other mother would have realized that I did not want to 'go down to the station' alone, and that as a proper mother, she would come with. So, instead, of course, she'd be staying at home.  
I headed to the cop's car, which didn't look like a cop's car. Paul was holding the front door open for me. I ignored him, and opened the back door and got in. I didn't really want him dictating to me where I was and wasn't allowed to sit. As soon as I got my seatbelt on, Jane started driving.  
That kind of surprised me. I thought about it on the way to the station. On the infrequent occasions that my mom and dad were ever in a car together, my mother never drove. The man of the house always drove when the family was in the car. This was just a little bit odd.  
When we got there, I opened my own door (thank you very much Paul) and followed them in. They ushered me into a interview room, and left me there alone. 


	3. Cops and Confessions

Before they could get in there with me, I racked my brains for exactly how anyone could have found out. But try as I might, I couldn't come up with anything. I don't know why I was so desperate to know this. Knowing wouldn't change anything, but I couldn't help obsessing over it.  
Jane walked in a few minutes later.  
"Hi JT. Do you want a coke or something?"  
"Nah, I'm okay," I replied.  
"I know this is going to be really tough for you, but we really need to know what your dad did to you."  
"How did anyone find out about..." I trailed off. "I know for a fact I never told anyone, I was always really careful about that."  
"Your friend Toby came to us, with some journals from inside the locker you two share. He had read some of it, and, well, it was pretty clear what was happening."  
An awkward silence passed between us. She started talking again.  
"Could you tell me what happened?"  
"I don't...I mean. I don't think..." I had no idea what to say to her.  
"JT, relax, okay? I'm not going to judge you. None of this is your fault. We just want to bring justice to the man who did this."  
I didn't say anything, so she kept talking.  
"Maybe you could tell me how long this has been going on."  
"Since I was seven. He always called me just plain old JT, but one day he called me son. He'd never done that before. That was the first night..."  
"The first night what?"  
"He came into my room." I could feel tears forming behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let myself cry. I was not a sissy.  
"What did he do when he came into your room?  
"Why are you doing this? Why can't you just leave me alone?"  
"Don't you want your father to be punished for what he did?"  
"No. I just want everyone to leave me alone. If I had wanted him punished, I would have outright told someone, wouldn't I?"  
"Not necessarily. I've had plenty of people leave messages like the one in your journal places so anyone can read them, just so they can get help without actually asking for it. Please JT, just tell me what happened."  
"He'd started coming into my room two or three times a week. He didn't really do much. He climbed into my bed with me, and told me he wanted to protect me. But he didn't really touch me. That didn't start until I was nine. By then, I was used to him coming into my room. I didn't really like it, but I put up with it. I figured it was normal. One day though, he came in before I was done putting on my pajamas. He walked in anyway, and told me not to bother with the pants of the pajamas. So I was just standing there in my underwear." I stopped. I didn't really want to continue.  
"JT, keep going. You're doing fine."  
He told me to lie down on my back, close my eyes, and not make a sound. I did what he said, because he was my dad, and I always did what he said. He started pulling down my underwear. I told him to stop, but he put his finger to his lips, said 'shhhh' and told me to close my eyes. I did what he said, because I didn't know what else to do. Once he had gotten my underwear down..." I broke off again. This was really hard. A tear escaped, and ran down my cheek, where I brushed it away angrily.  
"He must have been looking at me, because nothing happened for a minute. Then, all of a sudden, he was touching me. I didn't like it, I remember. It hurt, and it felt really wrong. He did that same thing for the next few nights, until one night. He did the same thing he usually did, but this time he took his clothes off too. Every night it seemed to get worse. It finally escalated to the point it's been at for months now. He'd...touch me, and then...he'd touch himself."  
"You mean he'd masturbate in front of you?"  
"Yeah." I stopped right there. I wasn't going to say anymore.  
"Is that all?" she asked me.  
"Yes," I said, lying through my teeth.  
"Ok, JT. You did great. I'm going to have someone take you home. If you want to tell me anything more, you just call this number on my card, okay?" She handed me a card.  
"Yeah, okay."  
She led me out of the room, and to a cop who drove me home. 


	4. After hours at school

I got home, and a note was waiting for me on the counter.  
"Went shopping. Be home soon. Don't wait up for me. Love, Mom."  
I probably should have been upset. She should have been home, waiting for me. But my mom had always been like this. I was pretty well used to it. Besides, even if she hadn't been home, I wouldn't have wanted to talk to her. When she pulled the mom thing, she pulled all the stops. It was terrible the way she would hover over me if she had a mind to do it. And now I really just wanted to be left alone.  
I started to head up to my room, but that didn't feel right. As a matter of fact, pretty much every where I went didn't feel right. I didn't feel comfortable in my own house, with my dad gone. I always figured thing would be better at home if he left, so I really wasn't expecting this kind of a feeling. It wasn't sadness....it wasn't the fear I usually felt....or even shame, which I felt every time I saw him...I don't really know what it was. But I didn't like it.  
I left the house pretty quickly. I didn't really want to stick around to try to figure out what was wrong with me being in the house. I headed to the school, for no good reason at all, other than the fact that it was close by. It was getting dark, and I didn't expect anyone to be there.  
No surprise, no one was there. Nobody went to school when they didn't have to. I sat at a table, and started picking paint off of it. I wasn't really thinking about anything. I got pretty good at making my mind go blank while my dad was...anyways, it didn't stop me from remembering later. But I had started to do it even when I wasn't with my dad. It happened a lot during school. I had always been an okay student. B's and C's were what I usually got. It was getting harder and harder to maintain those grades. I suppose it didn't really help that I wasn't trying very hard anymore. I liked it when my mind was blank.  
Ms Hazilacos was starting to get a little...um...inquisitive I guess. I had stopped paying attention in her class and I had stopped helping her out with her various animals. I guess I just didn't much feel like it anymore. She was getting, well I guess it wasn't inquisitive...maybe more like she was concerned. Either way, I didn't let it bother me much. She could ask all the questions she wanted, I wasn't going to answer them.  
Although I suppose everyone knows about it by now. If Toby said anything to his sister, I could be almost guaranteed that Terri would find out, then Hazel, then...  
My mind became a little less blank. Paige was going to know, or maybe she even already knew what happened. Now she'll probably never speak to me again, let alone dump Spinner for me.  
In fact, I figured that an awful lot of people wouldn't want to speak to me. Maybe they'd think I'm gay, or that I liked my dad like that...or...the possibilities got worse and worse as I went on. I tried to make my mind blank. It wasn't working anymore. All I could see was kids shouting faggot at me. Marco had to deal with a lot of crap when he came out. It would be even worse for me.  
My thoughts cleared as I heard footsteps approaching. I would have been grateful to whoever it was for distracting me from those nightmares, if it hadn't been for the fact that the person approaching me was Toby.  
I turned away. I didn't want to look at him.  
"You okay?" he asked me. I didn't answer.  
"Are you mad at me?" And again, I didn't answer. Then he started to ramble, like he did when he was nervous.  
"I thought you might be mad at me, for showing my parents the journals. But I didn't know what else to do. What you were writing about sounded really bad, and I didn't know how else to help you. Because, I've never had to deal with anything really serious. I mean, there was the one time Ash got into some drugs, but my parents pretty much took care of it, and I didn't have to worry about it. So that wasn't like this at all. I really hope your not mad, and that you understand, but I guess if you never want to speak to me again, I'll sort of understand. I mean, I did read your personal journal. But I only did that because I wanted to have something to tease you about. Not that I'd ever tease you about this, believe me. See, I'm not that kind of person. At least, I don't think I am, and I really hope you don't think I am either."  
"Shut up, Toby," I finally said. He would go on and on like that for forever if I didn't shut him up.  
He kind of stammered some sort of apology, I think. It was hard to tell. Then he practically ran home. I'm surprised he didn't pee his pants. Sometimes Toby can be a bit stupid.  
It was pretty much dark, so I headed home. Surprise surprise. When I got home, my mom wasn't there yet. Probably trying to avoid me.  
Weird as it felt, I headed upstairs to my room to go to bed. At least I knew I wouldn't be seeing my father anytime during the night for a 'surprise visit'. It didn't make me feel a whole lot better though, and I don't know why. 


	5. First Day Back

The next morning when I got up, my mom had already left for work. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had really expected her to stay home from work today. I had planned on staying home from school today, but now that wasn't an option. It occurred to me that I could skip school, but I decided against it. I'd have to face the kids at school eventually. Putting it off might just make it worse.  
Once I got to school, I discovered that Toby had the biggest mouth on the planet. Every time I walked passed anyone in the hallway, they got really quiet. After I passed them, I could hear them whispering behind me, something about, "Did you hear?" I think everyone had heard.  
I walked past Spinner, Jimmy, and Craig in the hallway. Three guys I thought I was cool with. But the looks they gave me as I passed by were just... I never felt like this before. It's like I was lower than dirt. That's when I pretty much figured that everyone believed that it was somehow my fault. It struck me as being really unfair.  
My mind went back to the Degrassi vs. Bardell basketball game where I pathetically attempted to beat up Dean. Nobody said anything to Paige about it being her fault. Everyone went out of their way to do something for her. I remembered my reaction. I was surprised that no one thought of it as too over the top. But when she told me what he did to her...it was like I had the chance to retaliate against my dad. My attempt at vigil ante justice may have been pathetic, but I'll be damned if I didn't give it everything I had.  
I snapped back to reality at the sound of the warning bell for classes. When I got to homeroom, I suddenly found my notes really fascinating, and I avoided everyone's looks.  
On my way out of homeroom, Emma, queen of sensitivity, tried to talk to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and muttered something about how she understood that I was upset. I got so close to whipping around and hitting her that I really scared myself. If she hadn't been a girl, I would have started a fight. I don't care if it was Mr. Raditch. But the command to never hit a girl was pretty well engrained in me. I turned around real fast though, and there must have been fire in my eyes, because Emma scurried away pretty quickly. Thank God for small favors. If she had continued with the "understanding" crap, I don't know what I would have done.  
No one approached me for the rest of the morning. Word spread pretty quickly that I was a psycho. I must have looked pretty nuts in the hallway with Emma, because I know she would never have said something like that about me. I figured that someone saw the scene, and came up with the corresponding story. Hey, it didn't much matter to me. I was grateful in fact, because it kept people away from me.  
I wasn't going to go to the lunchroom for lunch however. Even though people weren't talking to me now, there was no space in the caf to eat alone, and I knew that if I sat with someone I didn't have a chance of being ignored. So I headed to the MI lab. I was just keeping my fingers crossed that Mr. Simpson would ignore me, as unlikely as I knew that would be.  
Amazingly, he didn't say a word to me. He looked at me though. Not in a bad way, but in the few seconds he made eye contact, it was like he looked inside me and knew he should leave me alone. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole situation. Anyways, I spent the entire lunch period playing violent games on the internet, a practice strictly forbidden by Mr. Simpson. This time, he ignored it. It was nice of him to do that for me.  
The last period of the day I had a study hall, and to no one's surprise three quarters of the way through it, I was summoned to Ms Suave's office. I don't know what she wanted from me. But I heard that Ellie Nash, some girl who cut, got away with not saying anything for an entire hour. I made a few adjustments. Once I got in there, and she said, "You know you can talk to me if you need to, JT." I responded with, "I just don't think I'm ready to talk yet."  
She bought it, and let me leave, reassuring me that whenever I was ready to talk she was here for me. She really thought I'd eventually come talk to her. And she thought I needed help. Please, like I would ever tell any of my problems to someone that condescending. She felt so high and mighty because kids came to her with problems. I wouldn't even come to her with a hang nail, let alone anything bigger.  
Luckily, the visit did serve a purpose. By the time I got out of there, the halls were cleared because school was out. I headed to my locker with no one staring at me for a change.  
Well, at least that was what I was thinking until I turned the corner to my locker. Paige was standing at my locker, looking at her watch, clearly waiting for me since there was nothing else in that hall that could possibly interest her. During that second, I decided I didn't really need to go to my locker, and I turned around. Unfortunately, Paige decided at that second to look up and she saw me.  
"JT! Wait a second!" she called to me. This was a tough one. A girl that I've had a crush on for forever wanted to talk to me. But she wanted to talk to me about something I didn't want to talk about. It figures.  
I spun around slowly, and faced her.  
"Where have you been?" she asked, once she caught up to me. "I've been waiting forever."  
"I didn't ask you to wait for me," I said. Yeah, great job JT. Real smooth. The girl you've had a crush on for forever wants to talk to you, and you snap back at her.  
"I deserved that," she said. Secretly I cheered to myself. At least she didn't hate me for that one. "You didn't know I was waiting, and you had no reason to hurry to your locker."  
I walked to my locker without saying anything else, got my books out, and started to leave. Paige didn't say anything, but she kept walking with me. I couldn't take it anymore.  
"What do you want anyway?" I asked her, knowing I sounded like a jerk. I couldn't help it. I mean, come on. She barely talks to me, and then all of a sudden, what? She wants to bond with me? I don't get it.  
"You want to go for a walk with me?"  
"Sure. I've got nowhere better to be." 


	6. Walking

We walked for a little bit, not saying anything. Just when we were going to turn the corner to get to my street, I turned the opposite way, heading to Degrassi's pathetic excuse for a park instead.

"Don't feel like going home?" Paige asked me.

"You'd think I wouldn't mind being at home. I mean, he's gone. It's just so uncomfortable," I replied.

"After I told my family I was raped, Dylan and my mom avoided me for, like, two weeks. It felt like an eternity to me. And I couldn't understand it. But every time I headed into a room, they left. We didn't eat meals together anymore. Things were bad at home for a while. I found out later that they just didn't know what to say to me, and they didn't want to screw up and say the wrong thing. It worked itself out, more or less."

"I don't think this will work itself out. My mom, she, I mean..." I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to say anymore.

"What about her?" Paige asked, gently.

"She knew this was going on. I mean, I have no proof, but come on. In her own home, and she didn't notice? She works a lot, but she can't work that much. I completely changed when it started, I behaved like a scared puppy around my dad, and she didn't notice? I don't buy that for a second. She just didn't want to notice. She let it happen, and now that it's over, she's content to pretend that nothing ever happened."

We stopped talking for a while. Neither one of us really knew what to say.

"I know a million people have probably said this to you, but...well, have you thought about talking to Ms Sauve?"

"Nobody's really said it to me, and besides, I just won't talk to her. She reminds me of my mom. Like she has to care about me because that's her job, but she doesn't really care."

"Maybe someone else? Ms Sauve would give you the names of other people, if you asked. I'm sure she gets that not everyone can take a liking to her."

"Right, and how would I get my mom to pay? Like what would I say? 'Oh mom, I wanted to ask you to fork over 25 bucks an hour so I can talk to someone about that little problem I had that we're pretending doesn't exist.' Even I'd feel stupid saying that, and I did that idiotic French fry commercial."

"You should think about it," Paige said.

"I know you mean well, but it's not going to happen."

"You're a good guy JT, but this is too big for you to handle on your own. You can't deal with it by yourself."

"Paige, the most you know about me is that I do a lame mime in a box impression. You have no idea the limit to the amount I can handle. So just back off, alright? Mind your own business."

I took off running. I heard her call "I was just trying to help." But I ignored her.

Suddenly I ran into Spinner. Well, I didn't exactly run into him, but I stopped running a few feet in front of him.

"Quit talking to my girlfriend," he demanded, angrily.

"We were just talking. It was harmless."

"Stay away from her, alright, you daddy-loving faggot. She's got a real man."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what he called me. My blood began to boil.

"What did you call me?" I asked. At this point, I knew that I was looking for a fight with him. I might not win, but I'd make damn sure I got in a few good punches.

"You heard me, Daddy-loving faggot. Don't tell me you didn't know that half the school thinks it's true. Otherwise you would have tried to stop him."

That's when I punched him. First time was right square in the face. He did that thing that guys always do in movies, which is put his hand to his nose to check out the blood, which is when I got in the second punch. I wasn't going to wait for him to realize he was bleeding before I got a second punch. He'd have a nice black eye, courtesy of me.

While I didn't get in any more punches like those two, I did hit him a few more times. Actually, I think I was winning until Jimmy came over. I liked to think that Jimmy was a good guy, but not when he joined Spinner.

Two against one isn't fair, and needless to say, I ended up the loser. I laid on the ground until they got about a block away, and then I pulled myself up. I was pretty sure I looked like hell, but I just wiped the blood away from my nose with my sleeve and started walking home.

The last person on earth that I wanted to see at that moment, Manny, was sitting on her front porch as I passed. She gasped when she saw me, and ran over.

"I'm fine," I told her, lying. I pretty much hurt all over.

"You are not," she said, pulling me inside. "And you avoided me in school all day today."

"You can't honestly say you wanted to talk to me, can you? Even I didn't want to talk to me."

"JT, you didn't care what happened to me. You just cared about me. Now get in this house so I can get you fixed up, and we'll talk."

I have to admit, this was a better reaction than I expected, so I followed her inside the house.


	7. Bloody nose, Blackened eye

"Who did this to you?" she asked me, leading me into the kitchen. She pulled out a small first aid kit and an ice pack from the freezer. She wrapped the ice pack in a towel, and told me to put it on my eye. I guess it was probably turning black and blue. I didn't remember Spinner or Jimmy hitting me, but I wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention to exactly where the blows were coming from. I was mostly trying to hit back and get away.

"JT," she said, calling me back to reality, "I asked who did this to you. We ought to call the cops, and have you file a complaint, especially if you know the guys."

My first thought was happiness that she had said guys; she didn't think I was too weak to not even be able to handle a fight with just one guy. My second thought was that it wasn't fair for me to break Paige and Spinner up, just because I had a huge crush on Paige. Yes, I wanted them to break up, but no, I did not want me being a tattle-tale to be the cause. I knew that if I told Manny who hit me, that she would tell Paige, and that everyone would just think I had told Manny so I could get with Paige.

"I, uh, didn't know the guys who did it. They were just some guys from around the neighborhood, but I didn't really recognize either of them. The one called me a bunch of nasty names, and then starting hitting me. I hit him in the nose, and I probably gave him a black eye, but then some guy came around and joined him, so I didn't have a chance."

She busied herself cleaning out some of the cuts I had. This was not like in movies, where the good guy winces when the antiseptic touches his cut, but manages to get through the actual fight without seeming to be in any pain at all. Yes, the antiseptic stung, but I didn't wince. I just wanted to make that clear because I hate those action movies.

We didn't really talk a whole lot. Every once in a while she would shake her head and sigh when she caught sight of another bruise that was just forming or cut she hadn't seen yet. I kept remembering back to when we first started going out. I hadn't cared about what had happened in her past. She was used by an older guy and she got all the blame. That's how it usually goes. But then she dumped me for being too immature. I don't know; I couldn't help it. I knew I shouldn't have compared my, er, assets to Craig's, but I guess I just feel a little self-conscious about sex. But really, who could blame me for that?

"Well, I've done about as much as I can do," Manny said, as she was putting away the first aid kit. "Let me see your eye again."

I took off the ice pack, wincing a little bit. It must have been swollen shut, because everything was dark in that eye.

"It's good to see that you can open that eye again. When I saw it, it looked awful. You couldn't even open it. It's actually not all that bad now. You'll have a pretty good black eye though, but it'll just make you look tough," she said, jokingly.

It didn't register with me right away that she had said my eye was open. When I finally realized it, I said, "This eye? You mean the right eye?" I pointed to it, just to be completely clear about which eye we were talking about.

"Duh, come on JT. Yes, I mean the right eye, the one you're pointing too. Your other eye is fine, so I wouldn't be talking about that one."

I started to feel a little panicky. I held my hand up in front of my face and I waved it back and forth between both eyes. When it was by the left eye, I could see it fine. I couldn't see it thought when it moved to the right side, out of the peripheral vision of the left.

I must have gone a little pale because Manny said, "Are you all right? Are you going to faint? Do you need a glass of water or something?"

"Manny, I think...I think...I can't see out of my right eye."

She gave a little gasp. Almost immediately, she went to the phone and dialed 911.

"Yeah," she said. "My friend's over here and he got in a fight with a couple of guys. Anyways, I got him cleaned up and I put some ice on his eye which was swollen shut. The swelling went down, and his eye opens fine now, but he says he can't see anything out of it." She paused for a moment. "Well, I don't know if it's an emergency, and I can't drive him to the ER because I don't have a license." She listened again and nodded, even though the operator couldn't see her nod. "JT, face me a second." I did as she asked. Then she said to the operator, "yeah, the white part of his eye is red. Not bloodshot red, but like a dark even red color. Is that bad?" Her face paled, and I closed my eyes and turned away. I couldn't believe this was happening. "Okay," she said "I'll have him do that."

She turned to me, and said "go lie down on the couch, but with your head elevated." I sort of thought lying down might be a good idea, so I did. "Don't fall asleep!" she shouted to me.

A few minutes later, an ambulance was there.

"Wow," I thought to myself, half in horror, half in amusement as we headed to the hospital. "I warrant an ambulance this time. First I get a cop car, now an ambulance. Next, I suppose, I'll be riding in a hearse."


	8. The End of JT

"How are you feeling" my mom asked me when she finally arrived at the hospital to sign my release papers.

"Fine," I told her. I didn't want to get into it. I had already been questioned by the police about my attack. I evaded their questions with lies, and I didn't think I had it in me to keep up the lies to my mother. But I didn't have much to worry about. Either she realized I didn't want to talk (Ha! Fat chance!) or she just didn't care enough to get into it. She signed my release papers, and took me home. I didn't even say anything to Manny, who I can only assume was still in the waiting room. I didn't really know what to say to her, and I knew I didn't deserve her sympathy.

Whether I liked it or not, Spinner's words kept replaying in my mind. I know what he said was true; half the school believed I wanted what I got. And I'd never be able to convince them otherwise. I can't even convince myself. I didn't fight back and I didn't ever ask anyone for help. Anyone who went through what I did would have stopped it, wouldn't they? But I let it go on and on and on. Manny didn't deserve to be in any way connected to someone like me. Her reputation already wasn't good, and I didn't want to make it any worse. She was a wonderful girl who didn't deserve the stigma of being friends with me.

Even my mother knows there is a stigma attached to a son who was molested. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. She is so ashamed of me. What kind of man am I that I could sit back and let this happen? I am a constant reminder to her of the only son she didn't raise right. She doesn't want to be attached to someone like me.

I don't know who to turn to. I'll admit, while I was sitting in that hospital bed, I thought about killing myself. But somehow I think that my life should turn out to be more than that. Maybe my life's journey isn't over yet. There's actually a culture in India which believes you have one purpose in life, and no matter how small it seems, if you don't complete it, you throw everything off. This belief says that your purpose could simply be to move a book from one table to another, but that it is an important action that must be completed. Maybe I haven't moved my book yet.

But I know I'm not going to be able to do it here. I can't walk down the halls of Degrassi anymore. I can't look into sympathetic faces who will never understand what I'm feeling, and I can't look into the faces of those who are judging me.

So I'm leaving, and going to the US. I'm going to live in Wisconsin. It's a nice quite state where no one will bother me. I'll get a job, and try to make some sort of living. In two years, when I turn 18, I'll get my GED, and maybe try to go to a community college, if I can save up enough. I have enough in savings to get me started at least.

I'll leave a note so they know I'm a runaway. If they thought I as kidnapped, they would make more of an effort to find me, but this way I'll register lower on their list of important things to take care of. The police never really cared anyway.

I really think I can make it work. Even if I can't, I'll never come back here. As hard as it is to leave Degrassi for somewhere completely foreign, it's harder to stay. I'll leave this old live behind, and I'll be whoever I want to be. I'll even change my name. I never liked James Tiberius Yorke much anyways. Maybe I'll be Steven or Thomas. Anything but JT.

I'll never be JT again.


	9. That last chaper really was the end

I feel like I need to clarify. That chapter you probably just read, chapter eight, that was the end. Really. Totally and completely the end. If you've read any of my other stories, it probably doesn't seem like the end (since no one died…so I'm a little morbid, big deal) but it is. This one isn't even going to get a sequel.

I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone, but I'm not sorry I ended my story like I did.


End file.
